Roll Call of Todays Obsoleted Humans

Students at the the University of Florida's Intelligent Machines Design Laboratory (IMDL) have been very busy lately. Yesterday they gave a demo of their latest creations. If your job is on this list you'd best start building that EMP generator in your garage because the war with the machines is coming to your doorstep:
  1. Nuclear Facility Inspector replaced by TeleRAD
  2. Traffic Cop (Or Boyscout helping people on the street) replaced by HOMER
  3. Poker Dealers replaced by PD: the Poker Dealing Robot
  4. Host of Supermarket Sweep replaced by the BOSS
  5. Heavy Lift Helicopter Pilots replaced by Cypher
  6. Drivers replaced by the InstiGator (mind you Stanford is much further advanced on this one)
  7. Biologic sample collectors (All of you from Epidemiologists to CSI) replaced by CHUMIA
  8. Kids who like to play tag. Yeah you're replaced too. Yin and Yang will be playing tag with Jeffery the Tagnificent. You are no longer "It".
  9. Warehouse inventory keepers will be replaced by the Autonomous Warehouse Inventory Robot
  10. Thai Ball Balancers, did you think you were too obscure to be targetted for robot replacement? Think again because Atlas is in the house.
  11. Firefighters, the proud lifesavers of our community, from the men and women of the FDNY to the Men, Women, and everything in between of the SFFD, consider yourselves Extinguished.
  12. Basketball players, no more will you be subjected to the horrific tortures of the professional b-ball lifestyle. Today we have the ARBA (Autonomous Robotic Basketball Agent) and the PS (Precision Shooter)
  13. Beer fetching waitstaff, with the possible exception of the scantily clad variety. The Beertender and Koolio will be doing the fetching from now on.
  14. Mice in mazes. We don't need you anymore, thank you for your years of service. You can pick up your last cheese allotment at the door. Daedalus will be running the mazes here on out.
  15. Geocachers, you never reached your true potential for finding useless garbage in obscure places. Now, you never will since we have MALV.
  16. WiFi WarDrivers, you crazy bunch of stumbbleing h@x0rs, your services are no longer needed. We have the WiFLY
  17. Cartographers, map no more! Columbus the First is here to show you the way to the poorhouse.
  18. Municipal Waste Disposal Engineers, though your title is impressive, your job is not. We have a robot for that now, and his name is Mr. Clean
  19. GroundsKeeper Willie while yes, there's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman, Lawn Maintenance Robot will out mow you any day.

1 comment:

Hugh Mann said...

Some possible alternative titles for this mega nineteen-in-one post:

Hotjobs Report 3Q 2006 - Robots Scooping Humans in Science, Sports Careers

You are Obsolete: The Twilight Zone Comes True

MAKE HOWTO: 0x19 Robot Projects to Destroy Humanity